client: Merril Lynch, Worldcom, Andersen, Enron Martha Stewart
improvement: Audited
date: July 31, 2002
Billboard Liberation Front
News on the March!
Date: July 31, 2002
Subject: Billboard Liberation Front Applauds The New Math of the New Economy
From: Devon Nullsford
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Confidential-Destroy Before Reading
(July 31, 2002 — San Francisco) The Billboard Liberation Front today announced a major improvement to a Central Freeway billboard at the intersection of 5th St. and Bryant in San Francisco. The enhanced billboard celebrates the vision and single-mindedness of those businesses who refuse to be cowed by market pressure, and continue to follow their own bold lead.
STATEMENT from members of the Billboard Liberation Front:
Business Intelligence? No more than ever. In a market which is given to increased pressure by external forces, we commend those businesses who refuse to be led astray by voices outside their own. Far too often, companies have bowed down to the whims of shareholders and “General Accepted Accounting Practices”, and we applaud those few corporations who refuse to succumb to this extortion. Consider Enron – with their auditor Arthur Andersen, which forged new frontiers in accounting, eschewing stodgy old means of accounting for brave new methods. Often, when pioneers develop new and unique approaches to business, the mainstream meets these changes with great resistance.
Pshaw! We applaud Kenneth Lay for his bold approach in ignoring both his employees and the vocal minority of shareholders. What could they know? Merrill Lynch not only helped Enron in their bold new accounting procedures (hurrah for the new math!) but has developed a close relationship between its Investment Banking business and its stock research arm. Ironically, Merrill Lynch was punished for these actions! How dare New York penalize Merrill Lynch 100 Million dollars for creating synergy between investment banking and stock research! What do a few shareholders matter when it comes to investment banking? What do they know?
We also would like to commend Worldcom and AOL-Time Warner for boldly following Enron’s lead. Often, other firms neglect many great changes in business, slowing down our economic growth and hampering these leaders of industry from receiving their well deserved bonuses! Stock holders have no input into the finances and directions of a company, so they certainly should not benefit from staggering gains and profits – only these righteous and clever men deserve to benefit from these short term gains. And surely any decrease in stock value is not due to any problems on their part, but on market corrections over which they had no control. In addition, how dare any question America’s favorite homemaker Martha Stewart for having friends? When Billy Bob Thorton passes on a bad movie, do we investigate him? Of course not! Americans should embrace Martha’s networking skills and strive to emulate her utilization of up-to-the-minute information. Losers in the ImClone deal should have followed her advice in cultivating better relationships – and that’s a good thing!
In summary, the BLF would like to commend all of the above companies for taking Frank Sinatra’s advice and “doing it [their] way!” Market pressure and shareholder concerns be damned. If you’re not in the board meeting, how can you expect your interests to be considered? If you don’t go to shareholders meetings, obviously you trust their leadership. We applaud these stunning new procedures in accounting and leadership, and look forward to continued excellence by the champions of commerce!
-Fred Demara
-Missy Central
For more propaganda, please visit https://www.billboardliberation.com
The Billboard Liberation Front has been improving and enhancing the Outdoor Ad images of the biggest and best (sic) of America’s commercial and industrial giants for 24 years. Exxon, Levi’s, R.J. Reynolds, Apple, G.M.C. and dozens of other corporate behemoths have had their Ad campaigns tweaked by the BLF. The Billboard Liberation Front was formed in 1977 by Jack Napier and Irving Glikk after the two were kidnapped, blindfolded and forced to alter a billboard along with 24 other clueless copywriters by the nefarious San Francisco Suicide Club.